Valentine’s messages should be funny and true

I dislike mushy things that don’t make sense. Love messages that are copied and pasted from popular love songs that defy all forms of logic. “I would travel to the end of the earth just to find you”, really? How are you going to do that when you don’t even have enough money to travel to a neighboring country? Mushy stuff just doesn’t make sense for me. Valentine’s day is when the world is a giant playground box of mushy quicksand. Everyone’s talking about love in all those out-of-this-world descriptions they don’t even understand like “You are the apple of my eye”. What does that even mean? (I don’t even want to know what it means)

Imagine my pleasure when in my travels around the internet, I stumbled upon valentine’s messages that were so true and funny I could have sworn they picked them right out of my mind. These messages said exactly what love was to me without being pretentious and stuck up. I just had to share them with you.

Let’s face it, people suck. We all have qualities that we would be better off not having. We all end up mistreating another human being in one way or another. But when you have that one person who sucks less than most people, you have to tell them.

When my siblings and I were younger, we would have contests to see who could burp and fart the loudest. It used to be so funny. The older I get the less funny it becomes. To hear someone fart an endless number of times and still love them is true love y’all.

Have you ever wanted to get away from a crowd so bad? Crowds drain me and life tires me. At times I just want to retire, buy a house and never come outside ever again. But I find myself wanting that less and less with The Hub around.

Every time we watch Walking Dead I always ask The Hub where he would be if it were real. And we always say that he would be a Zombie by now. Well since we all know I would be one of the survivors, I’m glad it’s not real because I wouldn’t have to kill him.

Yep, Jesus definitely loves him more. But I pull in a close second though.

Sometimes all someone wants to hear is just how phenomenal their butt is. How else are they supposed to feel comfortable when they’re walking away or in front of you?

Nope! I would not! Never! It was in the vows, I swore to never shave my legs. Well, the silent vows in my head. It should have read “I love you but I will only shave my legs if it will stop a Zombie apocalypse.” It is such a commitment, and I have too many of those already.

Yes, okay! I do it! I look at my phone all the time, and I practically live on the internet but who better to do it with?

So this Valentine’s day try to say what you really mean and not what you think is appropriate for the occasion. Be original without spending a lot of money. Do things that would really mean something to your person. And don’t wait until Valentine’s to be all mushy and stuff. Let your person know how you feel every so often. As for me, I’m not a big Valentine’s day fan. But I admit, the world needs a day totally dedicated to love because there’s too much hate circulating.

Happy Valentine’s.

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