Why you should never go grocery shopping on your period

For the past few years and ever since I can remember, I’ve been trying to lose weight. I have been on so many diets and cleanses, I could write a book. I finally figured out recently that what I need is regular exercise and a healthy eating plan. so I’ve been trying to work out consistently and eat healthy and while I can testify that my energy levels have shot to the roof, my weight loss has been really slow. It’s been a rollercoaster ride with numerous ups and downs. The biggest problem has not been how hard it is to lose the pounds but how easy it is to gain them back. And every month just as I’m starting to think I’m making substantial progress, nature throws me a biological curve ball.

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I Like Myself When I’m With You

I wrote this poem in early 2012. I had just started dating The hub and I was totally smitten. It’s one of the very few love poems I wrote. It’s called “I Like Myself When I’m With You”. 

I like myself when I am with you.

How our Minds make love and give birth to similar thoughts.

To the point where we’re not sure who started the sentence coz we both know the end.

Wait….I’m not even sure if I wrote this poem or you did.

The way we find the same things hilarious

and make the same silly remarks about the most serious stuff

The way different parts of our minds touch so often that it translates into our bodies.

I like how my negatives cancel out yours and together we exude positivity.

I tried to think of any other love options but it seems you’re the traffic officer in charge of all the road blocks in my mind.

With those soulful eyes and that ready smile, you put me at ease.

For the first time I don’t feel guilty about not being more feminine or girly.

For the first time I’m not over-compesating by trying to prove how smart I am.

For the first time I’m calm and finally at peace with myself.

Yep. I sure do like myself when I’m with you.

I watched Expendables 3 and It sucked!

The Expendables cast [photo credit: www.cravenline.com]

Last night I made one of the worst decisions of my life this week, I watched Expendables 3. I had an inkling it would be nothing new but I just had to see it for myself. I am not a seasoned movie critic neither am I trying to be one but I know a bad movie when I see one. I get what they tried to do in 1 and 2 but I think they fell very far from their goal this time. The movie was supposed to be a nostalgic reminder of all the action packed movies the old actors had done years ago. It was supposed to be filled with dry jokes about their old age and old movies. It might have worked in the first 2 movies but it didn’t work this time. The conversations were horrible and uninteresting. The only line that was remotely funny to me was when the Wesley Snipes’ character was asked what he had been locked up for and he answered “Tax evasion”.  

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UNICEF Activate Talks Zambia

Last week I was invited for an event hosted by UNICEF Zambia in collaboration with Bongohive. I figured it would be quite serious and I wore my grown up clothes for it. It was far more organised than I thought it would be with registration forms, name tags and gift packs. And when I looked at the program, I saw the magic word (well, one of the magic words), Cocktail! This was proving to be a wise decision on my part. So I put my head high, walked in like a bowss and sat in the Media section. 

I wrote an article for Bongohive detailing the event. You can read all about the UNICEF Activate Talks Zambia on the Bongohive site. 

 

If you would like to find out more about Unicef or bongohive, visit their sites at http://www.unicef.org/zambia/ and http://bongohive.co.zm/ . And if you would like me to write about your event, email me at chipoautumn@gmail.com I just might wear my grown-up clothes. 

Ed Sheeran – Don’t

Last week Ed Sheeran released a music video for Don’t, one of the songs on his album. The song talks about how a girl he was dating cheated on him and there have been rumours about who he was talking about. It’s quite a personal song and it almost didn’t make it into the album because Ed thought it was too personal. It makes me never want to get on his bad side ever. 

The video shows a guy who dances his way from absolute poverty to massive wealth. I love how he dances and the choreography. I love dance and in a perfect world I would have been a dancer. I like how Ed Sheeran only appears twice in the video and only for a few seconds. 

Here it is. Enjoy

Today is a good day

Today is a good day. I like myself today. I know I should everyday but the truth is I don’t. There are days when I look at myself and I want to hug myself. But there are days when I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. But today is a very good day. Maybe it’s because I didn’t stuff myself with unnecessary food or because I don’t have a bloated stomach. I just feel like I don’t have to change anything about me right now. I looked at my mid section in the mirror and actually smiled. I feel like I am who I’m supposed to be. I don’t have to give any excuses for the weight I gain or lose. I don’t have to explain anything to anyone. Yep, today is a good day. 

Sunday Drama

Here is a piece I wrote over two years ago. 

I wake up on Sunday morning, a perfect day has begun. It’s beautiful really; all that’s left is attention from my man. So I cleverly devise a classic old plan. I will go to his place unannounced; I bet he’ll be charmed. So I get there to his house, sneak through the gate.I don’t need to knock; I got my own key, ooh I can’t wait. I let myself in, walk to his room, but what I see in there was never in my plan I guess I should have listened when mama told me to never surprise a man. She sits there with a smirk on her face, he stands there with panic or is that guilt? The pounding in my ears cannot cover the sound of my heart being ripped by love’s claws. It’s an understatement calling this an awkward situation. Anger, hurt, pain, surprise. is there a word that contains all these emotions in english diction. My head is woozy and my heart is heavy. I try to talk to him but she keeps barging in (Let me at her, now I’m crazy!) I take off my earrings, ala there will be blood. He comes between us and suddenly I have a flashback. Moments come back, events I filed away. Like when he was supposed to meet me and I would wait all day. Or when I found those texts in his phone and when I asked, his reply was “Do you really think you’re alone?” Or when he would jeer at me and make nasty jokes. In front of me and in front of his blokes. I probably should have left when I got my first slap. But I had believed them when they told me it was a perseverance club. And he would bring flowers and say he was sorry. And that the only reason he hit me was because I had made him angry. She’s standing there, the smirk is still on her face. I stop and step back. Tears are falling, I don’t bother to wipe them. I let out something between a sob and a chuckle, turn to the girl and retort; “You can have him girl, A man who treats his woman with anything less than respect aint worth fighting for. And honestly, he aint a man at all!”

How My Network Provider Nearly Ruined my Marriage

They say nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute. I’m one of those people. Some of my best work has been produced with the deadline looming right above my head. In school I studied right before the exam. I send out reports right before they are due. I show up for meetings less than 5 minutes before the stipulated time. It’s not something I’m proud of it but I’ve lived with myself long enough to know and accept that I’m a slightly disorganised human. I find myself taking up too much on my plate that I end up having so much to do at the end of the day. It’s my way of living life on the edge.

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Happy Anniversary to Me!

It’s been a year already. A year since I finally decided to start blogging. I had been thinking about it for years then I finally did it. It’s fun and challenging to think that thousands of people are reading what I write. It pushes me to write better and often. So to celebrate my 1 year blogversary, here is a list of my five favourite blog posts since I started this blog. Take a walk with me down memory lane. 

1. My first post ever –   Heavy On My Mind

2. My second post –  I struck Gold

3. The most creative and saddest piece I’ve ever written – Beautiful Lie

4. My most revealing and vulnerable piece – Mirror Moments

5. My bravest post – How to be a woman

 

How to Avoid a Sex Tape Scandal

Yesterday Zambian social media went crazy when a named Zambian rapper was revealed in a sex video. The video went viral in a matter of hours and everyone was talking about it. He received a lot of criticism on his performance and most people said the video was disgraceful and boring. Personally I don’t know what’s worse; being exposed doing something that’s clearly private or being criticised about not doing it well. I will not dwell on the moral issues of the sex tape as we have already over 13 million moral compasses in Zambia. But I want to offer some advice on how anyone can avoid a sex tape scandal seeing as we don’t have Olivia Pope to help take it all away.

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Friday Five – Celebrity Crushes

The life of a teenager involves a such continuous chain of crushes that it’s almost a full time job. Okay who am I kidding? It never stops when we get older, we just get preoccupied with real life men that are admittedly less dreamy but more available. Here is a list of my celebrity crushes;

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As soft as a baby

Winter is upon us. All the coats, scarves and boots have been unearthed and are back in use. Among my friends, the cold season has been dubbed the season of lovers. It’s so cold that you have no choice but to cuddle with your Significant other. Well, I call it the season of dry skin. My face gets so cold that it loses all its moisture and becomes cracked. It looks wrinkled, old and scaly. Continue reading

Be-You-tiful

I realized quite early that I was different from most of the people in my life. I had different aspirations and dreams. My personality was different and I enjoyed different things. I preferred reading and writing to boys and nice clothes. When I got my first job, people tried to get me to dress a certain way but I was already set in my way. I had different views from the rest and when I tried to air them out, I got burned. Continue reading

House Of Cards Season 2

I recently just finished watching the second season of House of Cards. I had been putting it off for a while but I finally decided to get it over with. The beginning of season one had me falling in love with Frank Underwood’s cleverness. The way he manipulated situations and people for his own agenda was exhilarating. The way he took small defeats as minor setbacks was inspiring. His weird relationship with his wife was intriguing though slightly disturbing. His insistence that Power is greater than money kept me on the edge of my seat. Continue reading

Asa – Dead Again

After years of silence, one of my favourite artists, Asa, is working on another album. Her previous albums have been my anthems and there was a time when I knew every word of each song. This song is called Dead Again and is a single from her forth-coming album ” Bed of Stone” which will be out in August. This song is different from most of her songs. It shows the angry side of her. The choreography in the video is on point and interprets the song perfectly. I loved it and i hope you like it too. Enjoy.

Do Not Disturb!!

Sarah wanted to find love online. They found each other on craigslist, he seemed really interesting and they seemed to click so they arranged to meet up. What she didn’t know is that he is a predator and now she’s dead. Chloe was an avid texter and social media addict. She posted her every move, meal and endeavours. He stalked her on facebook. Read her every status and studied her lifestyle until one day he caught her did all the nasty stuff he had been planning from the start.

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Livingstone – Victoria falls

During the easter weekend, The Hub and I travelled to Livingstone for a mini vacation. All I wanted to see was the Victoria falls but we got to put in a few more things. It was in the spur of the moment so we didn’t plan out everything in detail. I learnt that if you want to visit Livingstone during a long weekend, you have to reserve a room very early. A few days before the weekend I tried to book a room in some recommended lodges but each one was fully booked. A friend who was out of town for the weekend saved our trip by letting us use his house. Continue reading

Dambisa is Pregnant…….and Nude!!!

Image

I woke up to find Zambians at it again. A few radio stations had posted a picture on their facebook pages. Dambisa, a Zambian artist, is on the cover of EZM, half naked baring her fully pregnant midriff. A lot of people commented the most hateful things and called her all sorts of names. Some mentioned that she was trying too hard to embrace the western culture while abandoning the Zambian one. Some said she needed alangizi (traditional teachers) and wondered what type of husband/boyfriend would allow his wife/girlfriend to do such a thing.

Here’s what I think, some Zambians are just a bunch of hypocrites who have no lives of their own. They look at other people’s lives and criticise all the things that are not as they ought to be but allow the indiscretions in their own lives because they are “only human”.

 I think that culture is very important and precious but it should not be used to bully others. Observe your culture but never coerce someone else to do the same.

But most of all I think Dambisa looks absolutely beautiful. If I ever decide to have a child I want to look half as good as her. Pregnancy is beautiful and she decided to show it. You have a problem with that? Deal with it!

Marriage is…..

A lot of people have been asking me how marriage is. My single friends want to find out if it’s all people say it is or as horrible as some say it is. How is it? Do I like it? They ask me with a curiosity that I possessed only a few months ago. They ask me as if somehow my answer will determine if they should go ahead and get married. The married people want to find out how I’m finding the new environment that has been their home for a while now. Have we had our first big argument yet? And when I say no, they tell me to wait because it’s definitely coming. We are still in the honeymoon stage but just wait a while, the storms are definitely coming. They say that with such gust you would think they are looking forward to it. Continue reading

Fake Lawyers and Presidents

Very few interesting things are ever reported on the news, but this caught my attention. It’s Zambia’s president Michael Sata during a swearing in ceremony. It was just the usual boring news until 0:40 – 1:05 happened.

M.S : What is your (pronounced “yowa”) profession?
Zulu: A lawyer of the acting registrar of the …..
M.S: But anyway, you are a fake lawyer! Because if you are a proper lawyer, how do you read that patent when the man has not sworn in? The man is supposed to swear that everything he’s doing…. But he hasn’t sworn in and you are giving us the patent. Without God, we wouldn’t be there Mr Zulu.

I don’t know about you but the leap from patents and swearing to God was rather erratic. Poor Mr Zulu, he had no choice but to keep quiet and let the wrath fall on him. I must say the president quite reminds me of my boss.

Nikakuona – Scarlet

I realised I have never posted a Zambian song here. So here’s one of my favourite songs. It is by a Zambian artist called Scarlet. I’m working on a post concerning her that I will be putting up soon. This video also has one of my friends who sings backup for Scarlet so it’s a favourite for a few reasons. Let me know what you think about it if you can. I bet you will enjoy it.

Meet The industry: Writers

Writers rarely get any recognition in Zambia. The poor reading culture of the people makes writing a very scary career path. So imagine my pleasant surprise when BongoHive announced that it would be hosting a “Meet the Industry” for writers. This was something I had always needed, to listen to people that are doing what they love to do despite the various limitations. They were called upon to discuss their inspirations, challenges and what they thought about the writing culture in Zambia. Continue reading

Say something!

I know I’ve been away for some time. I’ve been prompting myself to say/write something but a few things have been going on with me and I’ve never been one to handle too much emotion. When things get too much, I shut down and play dead like a possum. I become non functional and can’t concentrate on anything for long. I tend to become depressed quite easily. It’s quite silly because it’s the most trivial things that get to me. Like more than 2 people telling me I’ve gained weight releases an avalanche of emotions of failure, disappointment, dissatisfaction and disapproval. It’s crazy really, but in the words of one of Zambia’s musicians with a funny haircut/hairdo, Judy, “It is what it is” . (She probably got the phrase from somewhere else. I just wanted a way to say something about her hair) 

Anyway, to break the silence I come bearing a gift. It’s a new video by Pentatonix called “Say Something”. It’s a cover for a song originally done by A great Big World and Christina Aguilera. It is so beautiful and gloomy. Just the kind of song I would listen to during one of my depression modes.

I promise I will say something soon before you guys give up on me.  

TVs, TV stands and Babies!

I have always found a thrill in doing new things. They make me step out of my comfort zone into something different. Marriage brings lots of opportunities for first time activities. First it was the moving away from somewhere I have always known (no tears there, I’ve always wanted to leave). Have I mentioned how my young sister was ecstatic that I was finally out of her hair? At the wedding she walked up to The Hub, shook his hand heartily and with tears in her eyes thanked him for helping her get rid of me. I can be such an overbearing sister at times; it comes with the first born mantle. Continue reading

Hello 2014

I have been missing in action (if writing can be considered as action).  People keep asking me when my next blog post will come up(Honestly no one has asked but a girl is allowed to dream). So much has gone on in the last few weeks, well one major thing really. I got married! The wedding preparations all but drained the life out of me; I had no energy left to write a single word. I’m back now and I have a lot planned for the blog this year. I’m extremely excited about it! I’ve got lists, plans and schedules of the whole thing; someone would think I’m the editor of a magazine or something. I’m looking forward to this year. I have a feeling it will be awesome. 

2013

2013 has been good. It’s been a year of growth and changes. I started school and dropped out of it. I made my first big investment. I moved out of my parents’ house and then moved back in (rent in Lusaka can kill a girl). I bought my first furniture. I finally started this blog after years of procrastinating. Continue reading

Less is not More!

I am coming to terms with the fact that I’m a big girl. At size 12/14 I’m bordering on being plus sized. I look at myself in the mirror and try to figure out how to go down to being a size 8. There are times when I’m confident that my body is okay but most times I look at myself with dismay wondering why the hell I had to get my father’s features. Why do I have to love food that much? Sometimes the self loath gets so intense that I’m tempted to induce throwing up. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was bulimic right? But of course I freak out and I’m much too lazy to stick to sticking my finger down my mouth every time so I don’t go through with it. I think of starving myself sometimes but I always give in by 10 AM. So I try to work out whenever I can and eat healthy whenever I can but the sad truth is I may always struggle with my weight.

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