The Born n Bred Video Awards 2015 Re-cap

Last night the Born n Bred Video Awards happened after being pushed forward a couple of times. It was being televised live on ZNBC at 20hrs so I took my nap right after work and I was fresh and awake for it. Of course I live-tweeted my way through it but before we dive in I just want to ask something. How were the Born n Bred Awards before the ZMAs started? Do you remember? Anyway I won’t give you a step by step account of what happened, I’m just here to say what I thought of it.

Red Carpet

Red carpet was not jaw-dropping. There were a few standouts but no one’s attire followed me to my dreams. I noticed that a lot more artists came with their significant others. I don’t know if it has always been like this. Or artists’ partners signed agreement among each other to be present because of the rachetness demonstrated at this event in the past years. Some of these partners and artists gave us a few laughs when they were interviewed. We even got to learn new words like “Haterage” from Brisky.

There were a few hairs that stood out for me; Nyemba’s blond ‘up-do’ was an immediate favorite. It might even make it into my dreams one of these nights. Meyer’s blue/green hair was another that drew my positive attention. It didn’t look too shabby on her and while I wouldn’t do it, I like it when people colour their hair and they don’t look like they tried too hard.

The Refunders

Do artists get paid to perform at this event? If they do then some people need to give the organisers a refund. DJ Cosmo shouted through his whole song and even the shouting was off key, it takes a special talent to do that. I love his song but what he did on that stage was something he should never put on his CV.  So many others did wack performances that I was even starting think it was all on the Sound guys (Sound was pretty bad too though). The tribute to PJay was quite sad, I almost cried because of just how horrible their singing was. And obviously the organisers had no qualms about replicating the scene at the ZMAS with the all-white getup even though it was very clear that the quality of deliverance was several levels below.

Performances I liked

Of course not everything was horrible. The newly wed Chileshe Bwalya came on stage and sang and it sounded nice. Her choir even won an award later on. I also J-Rox’s performance though it came when I was already so exhausted and all I wanted was my bed. Ruff kid came on with his usual crazy antics this time on a wheelchair. I’m not really sure how I feel about the wheelchair and dedicating his performance to the disabled people but the energy and the way he jumped about on the stage was too contagious to ignore. He is one of the few Zambian artists that I think takes time to plan his performances well in advance.

Acceptance Speeches

I noticed how everyone delivered their acceptance speeches in English no matter how uncomfortable they are with the language. I am learning not to laugh at people that don’t speak good English because that only means that they are more proficient in another language. But I wish people did the acceptance speeches in the language they are comfortable with. So I was so excited to hear Wilz accept his award in Chewa.

Theresa Ng’ambi

I first heard Theresa’s singing on Wednesday night. We got her album and it’s what we’re listening to in the car. So when I saw her on stage at the awards I was really stoked. I love her music. She has an authentic sound that is so indigenous and beautiful. She makes me romanticize how village life would be.

Dorica (Bob Nkosha)

S/he was the closing act. I thought his dancing during the “Dorica” song was funny especially when she was attempting to pout or whatever that was. Then he did his skit after the song was done. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about her/him. I think the skit went on just a bit too long because he kept repeating some things but if people like him then he must be funny, right?

All in all, the event needs a lot of improvements. The organization wasn’t seamless. There were long awkward pauses, we could hear what the presenters and producers were saying in the background and the presenters looked like they did not have scripts.  There was a lot to complain about but there were a number of good acts. In the end I was just glad I finally had Zambian content to live tweet after all those South African shows I watch every weekend. Now if we could have a few more shows please?

I live tweeted a lot more things, you can see my tweets about the event here

What were your highlights? What made you laugh out loud, grimace or give a side eye? Any thoughts on how the organizers can improve this event? I would like to hear from you.

How to keep your phone healthy

The first phone I ever got was a tiny Motorola C118. My friends had camera phones and flip phones but I was so excited about mine too. Growing up in a household that had so many people, I had learnt to be content with my possessions at a young age. So as I progressed through the phones, from Motorola to Blackberry to Huawei, I used a phone to its highest capabilities until it broke down. Early this year, The Hub decided he had had enough of my talking about how much I loved the Samsung S series and got one for me. Now I could have easily got it for myself but I suffer from such a strong case of indecision that it would have taken a year to choose which one I wanted.

It was going really well until 2 weeks ago when my new phone started being slow and hanging on me like we weren’t best buddies. I complained about it but I already knew what the problem was;

1) I am a digital hoarder

Have you watched those shows about people that keep loads of equipment and trash in their houses? Well I’m like that, I keep everything. I never delete my texts. I take a huge number of pictures and videos every day. I take pictures of everything and I can’t delete any of them just in case I need them some time in the future. I have a long list of bookmarked internet pages. I collect pictures from the internet all the time. And it doesn’t help matters that I have such a wide range of interests from feminist quotes to pancake recipes and how to wear boyfriend jeans. It’s all there in my saved pages.

2) I’m too lazy to backup

I have I.T training, I know with every breath in me that backup is of utmost importance. But I hardly ever backup my stuff. I have all of this year’s pictures on my phone and camera and I haven’t bothered to move them to a more secure place. I have lost data before so I should learn from my experiences but I never do.

3) I have dozens of applications
As a blogger I have lots of technological needs and there is always an app for each particular one. So I find myself getting a new app every few days. The problem is that I don’t uninstall them when I don’t need them anymore and they end up clogging up my phone.

4) I have very little storage
The only extra memory I have is a 2GB Memory card. And anyone will tell you that 2GB won’t hold enough. But I never remember to get a bigger one when I’m at the stores.

The irritating thing is that I know what I need to do but I’m just not doing it. It’s sort of like a doctor who knows he needs to quit smoking but doesn’t. Hopefully I can do it as soon as possible. A few things I need to do include:

1) Let go of clatter
I evidently need to clear out my texts more regularly. Some of the things I keep never turn out to be useful. I need to stop holding on to things just because I think I might want them later. But the truth is I’ll probably never need them again. So I need to clear my cached pages, uninstall the apps I will not use again and delete some of those 10 pictures I took of the exact same thing (one copy is enough).

2) Backup!
Most people think moving data from your phone to your laptop is enough backup but it’s not. You need to have a designated device that is solely for backup. Or you could use cloud storage so you can access it from anywhere. I plan on buying an external hard disk for the singular purpose of storing my videos and pictures.

3) Install more memory
I plan on getting a larger memory card. My 2GB card just isn’t doing anything for me. Some phones have a limit of how much additional storage they can handle so I’ll make sure to check what my phone can take.

Are you a digital hoarder? Or do you have some other technological illnesses? Do you have any more tips and tricks on how to keep a phone running smoothly? I’d like to hear what you think.

P.S: You can also read about what I do to keep myself safe on the internet.

The Sean Kingston Concert is a fake!!

Why do some music promoters insist on treating us like idiots? So some promoter decides to come up with a grand plan of lying that Sean Kingston would be performing in Zambia on 21st February. He even puts up radio adverts for almost a month. I heard the adverts and I was wondering why I hadn’t seen any billboard ads. I even remember feeling a bit sorry for the organizers because I thought the show would be a flop. And what do I read in the paper this morning? This:

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The reporter had emailed the manager to ask about the show and the manager probably thought “No sir, I aint never heard of Zambia before”. So the manager said they had had no contact with anyone about the issue. No one has ever talked to them about a show in Zambia. So that rules out the scenario of the fake promoter, whom we shall call Nick from now onward, calling Sean and assuming he said yes and that’s why he began advertising. This means that Nick can’t say that there was just a misunderstanding between him and Sean because Sean doesn’t even know he exists. How do you have a misunderstanding with a ghost promoter?

The other scenario would be that Nick was scammed. Maybe he contacted someone he thought was Sean’s manager and set up a date when in fact it was some Nigerian scam artist. Which would make Nick a very dumb man.

No, I think Nick was trying to be clever. Nick’s wife walked up to him and said “Nick, I’m tired of your dumb behind sitting of my couch, watching my TV and not having a job. Get up and get yourself a job!”  Then Nick meets up with a couple of friends and connives a plan to shut his wife up for good. Nick and his friends plan to tell people Sean Kingston is coming. They set the ticket price at K250 and K300 because then, all they’ll need is just a few dozen gullible people. And to take the lie even further, they put the advert on radio to make it more believable. They borrow the radio money from a guy they know around the corner. Nick goes back and brags to his wife about the investment he has just made that will bring huge returns.

Game over Nick! We know the truth now! The sad thing is that some people probably lost their money already. The even sadder thing is that the police will probably not pursue the matter.

I won’t pretend to be an expert and say what needs to be done to prevent this from happening again. But whatever is required to prevent scam artists in the music industry needs to be done NOW! This has been happening for sometime now. Some promoters put local artists on concert posters without booking the artist first. Regulations need to be put in place soon.

As for Nick, may the pop culture gods breathe non-talent on you. May they poke you in the sides with your various scams until you cry out to be saved. A quick buck scam is not the way of getting out of your wife’s couch NICKSON! Get a job! Start a legit business! Do something worthwhile with your life NICKSON! Oh and *clears throat* We will find you!

They didn’t include the portrait of the President with a bible and they killed me!

Zambian media will be the death of me. For anyone who is out of touch, we had a new president sworn in almost 2 weeks ago and people are not yet over it. So some company decided to get their money and use it to pay for a congratulatory message to the new president. I don’t get these messages though, it’s not like the president will read them all. They’re all just adverts aren’t they? Anyway, so they get their hard earned cash and pay for space to post their message/advert giving full instructions of what they wanted and what do they get? This:

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I died a thousand deaths! I looked up to the sky and howled at the media gods. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well this one is just worth six. How did anyone let this get to the printers? And to compound the problem, the spelling of portrait is not even correct -“portait”. Who ever was responsible definitely had been having a bad day. ZESCO had cut the power to his place. The shower had broken down, his maid had cooked him Nshima with eggs for the third time that week and his wife had just told him they were having a fifth baby. Maybe the new president just doesn’t have a face y’all, who knows.

Of course like every other mistake, they realized it when it was too late but still corrected it the next day. And now the portrait had a face. I wonder if they had to pay twice or was it free the second time?

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These newspaper people aint loyal, reducing the president’s face to just a few words?! Tsk Tsk! May they forever be tickled by the media demons until their stomachs hurts so much they start to weep.

Our new president is a very decent man

When I was a little girl, I would wear little dresses and sit with each of my legs pointing to a completely different point on the compass. Then I turned a certain age and I was told by the women folk around me that I had to keep my legs together. It was indecent to let each leg be lonely whenever I sat down. So I learnt to always keep my legs touching. Imagine my chagrin when I realized some men could sit however they want. It’s like they were given a mandate to do the opposite of what we were supposed to do. They were ordered to go therefore and spread their legs, especially when seated in a crowded mini bus or taxi.

But not all men though. Some men were told to cross their legs whenever they were seated and the new president seems to be one of them. Every time his social media team put up new pictures I can’t help but notice just how often he crosses his legs or “makes a four” as we say it here.

Photo cred [mwebantu new media]

When he was young, his women folk sat him and told him “Eddie, you are no longer a boy. You are a young man who needs to cross his legs whenever he sits.” Then one very old woman said “Our son, You shall be the president one day and you need to start practicing how to look good in the pictures on The Facebook” The president being an obedient child kept their words close to his heart, probably in a pendant he wore around his neck, and swore to always cross his legs.

Photo cred[ mwebantu new media]

Being the suspicious person that I am, I think it might just be a classic pose. Like every time his photo guy is about to get a picture he stops him and says “Wait wait wait, I need to get into my position first!”

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So now when mothers teach their puberty-inflicted daughters how to be decent, they shall use Powerpoint presentations with the Lungu’s pictures to illustrate just how decent they should be.

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Now I, by the power vested in me by the internet, name this position the Edgar. So when you’re sitting like this you’re no longer making a four, you’re making the Edgar. Talk about leaving a legacy.

eNCA featured Zambian Bloggers this time!

When you’re a Zambian blogger, you get used to being ignored. Very few people comment on your posts or even like them. When you tell someone you’re a blogger they ask you what that is. So I was surprised when a reporter from South Africa’s eNCA emailed me and asked if I could contribute to her coverage of Zambia’s independence. She intended to take a few Zambian bloggers’ points of view. I gladly agreed and provided her with the information she needed. I’m so excited! Zambian bloggers are being recognized as credible content providers.

You can read the interview here

Here’s to more great Zambian content creation!

Why I’m worried about Ebola and Why I shouldn’t be.

I sat in the corner of the minibus waiting for it to fill up. It was after 2pm and the sun was blazing. I was dying to get home and just shed off my clothes and cool down. Then an overweight woman came in, with sweat gushing out of her poles and wetting her skin. She chose the seat right next to me squeezing me further into the corner. I was wearing a sleeveless top so our skins were touching and all I could think about was “Oh God! please don’t let me get Ebola!” Continue reading

Gender based violence and Why women return to their abusers

What kind of hitting does it take for skin to break and blood to gush out? Obviously the hitting of a maniac. The police man comes home at midnight (Every husband knows that is way past any married man’s ‘bedtime’) and starts playing loud music when everyone else is asleep. When his wife confronted him, he beat her up and left her looking like this.

Woman beaten by cop husband.

Woman beaten by cop husband.

The woman could have died for Pete’s sake, people have died from far less injuries. And the worst part, She went back to her matrimonial home after being stitched up and forgave her husband. I think this man’s betrayal is on two counts. One as a husband, he is supposed to protect her from the world and all kinds of horrid stuff but here he is being the administrator. Two as a police officer, his job is to protect citizens from evil people that do such horrible things.  What do you do when the man you trusted with your heart, body and life harms you worse than you can imagine. I can’t even imagine how it must feel. Continue reading

From Enormous Body Parts to Tiny Baby Ones

I wasn’t going to say anything. In fact I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything about it. But I can’t hold it anymore. So a clergyman decides he wants to join politics, that wasn’t remarkable enough coz it’s been done before. Then he formed a political party and gave it a reasonable enough name. I can’t judge that coz I have enough trouble coming up with titles for my blog posts. But then he decides on a party hand signal.

Party signal

Party signal

So the clenched fist has already been claimed by the ruling party and a few other relevant hand signals have been used up by other parties, I get that. But was that the only symbol they could come up with? In Zambia, that symbol represents a man’s *cough* you-know-what! So the first time I saw this picture I cracked up! Their facial expressions don’t help matters at all. A simple thumbs up would suffice if you ask me. Apparently the signal represents a pot which is the party symbol. A lot of people commented about it on social media and the party decided to change it to show you guys that if they ever come into power, they will definitely be a listening government. And the brilliant idea they came up with is this:

New party signal

New party signal

From enormous male body parts to tiny baby ones! I seriously need to see whoever comes up with these ideas. He has a wicked sense of humor! Next time it just might be the finger. This has made my day you guys. But to be fair, is there any other hand signal that can represent a pot? If any of you can think of any please let me know, and maybe we can get in touch with these hilarious people.

Festival Madness!

Lusaka is really becoming a hub of activity. People often complain that there is very little to do in Lusaka but I think that is being turned around.

Last month we had the Barefeet Festival and on 29th August there was a concert that just rocked! It brought brilliant performers to the stage. Pompi represented Zambia. Zimboita, a Zimbabwean and Italian group, wowed the crowd. FreshlyGround from South Africa just came to blow off what was remaining of our brains. I danced so hard I had body aches for a week.

Photo cred: barefeettheatre.org

Photo cred: barefeettheatre.org

This month on the 21st and 22nd September, Stanbic bank and The Misty will be hosting Zambia’s first ever Jazz festival. Hugh Masekela, Oliver Mtukudzi and Zonke will grace the stage alongside Pompi, Maureen Lupo Lilanda and Uncle Rex. I’m really excited about this one though I must admit I have listened to very little Jazz. For more information follow @SMJazzFest on twitter and like their facebook page here

photo cred: @SMJazzFest

photo cred: @SMJazzFest

Next month R and G events will be hosting their annual festival called Oktoberfest on 11th – 12th October. I am absolutely excited about this one because I couldn’t make it for last years. It will be 2 days of extreme fun, music, food and drink. It will definitely be the highlight of my month. South Africa’s Liduideep will be the main acts.The organizers have planned it very well and have developed a website solely dedicated to providing information about this event. You can get all the information you need at www.randgfestivals.com

There are a lot of other festivals that are being planned and are probably happening right now that I’m not aware of. I am just glad that we get to have so much choice.

I watched Expendables 3 and It sucked!

The Expendables cast [photo credit: www.cravenline.com]

Last night I made one of the worst decisions of my life this week, I watched Expendables 3. I had an inkling it would be nothing new but I just had to see it for myself. I am not a seasoned movie critic neither am I trying to be one but I know a bad movie when I see one. I get what they tried to do in 1 and 2 but I think they fell very far from their goal this time. The movie was supposed to be a nostalgic reminder of all the action packed movies the old actors had done years ago. It was supposed to be filled with dry jokes about their old age and old movies. It might have worked in the first 2 movies but it didn’t work this time. The conversations were horrible and uninteresting. The only line that was remotely funny to me was when the Wesley Snipes’ character was asked what he had been locked up for and he answered “Tax evasion”.  

Continue reading

Ed Sheeran – Don’t

Last week Ed Sheeran released a music video for Don’t, one of the songs on his album. The song talks about how a girl he was dating cheated on him and there have been rumours about who he was talking about. It’s quite a personal song and it almost didn’t make it into the album because Ed thought it was too personal. It makes me never want to get on his bad side ever. 

The video shows a guy who dances his way from absolute poverty to massive wealth. I love how he dances and the choreography. I love dance and in a perfect world I would have been a dancer. I like how Ed Sheeran only appears twice in the video and only for a few seconds. 

Here it is. Enjoy

How to Avoid a Sex Tape Scandal

Yesterday Zambian social media went crazy when a named Zambian rapper was revealed in a sex video. The video went viral in a matter of hours and everyone was talking about it. He received a lot of criticism on his performance and most people said the video was disgraceful and boring. Personally I don’t know what’s worse; being exposed doing something that’s clearly private or being criticised about not doing it well. I will not dwell on the moral issues of the sex tape as we have already over 13 million moral compasses in Zambia. But I want to offer some advice on how anyone can avoid a sex tape scandal seeing as we don’t have Olivia Pope to help take it all away.

Continue reading

Friday Five – Celebrity Crushes

The life of a teenager involves a such continuous chain of crushes that it’s almost a full time job. Okay who am I kidding? It never stops when we get older, we just get preoccupied with real life men that are admittedly less dreamy but more available. Here is a list of my celebrity crushes;

Continue reading

House Of Cards Season 2

I recently just finished watching the second season of House of Cards. I had been putting it off for a while but I finally decided to get it over with. The beginning of season one had me falling in love with Frank Underwood’s cleverness. The way he manipulated situations and people for his own agenda was exhilarating. The way he took small defeats as minor setbacks was inspiring. His weird relationship with his wife was intriguing though slightly disturbing. His insistence that Power is greater than money kept me on the edge of my seat. Continue reading

Asa – Dead Again

After years of silence, one of my favourite artists, Asa, is working on another album. Her previous albums have been my anthems and there was a time when I knew every word of each song. This song is called Dead Again and is a single from her forth-coming album ” Bed of Stone” which will be out in August. This song is different from most of her songs. It shows the angry side of her. The choreography in the video is on point and interprets the song perfectly. I loved it and i hope you like it too. Enjoy.

Dambisa is Pregnant…….and Nude!!!

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I woke up to find Zambians at it again. A few radio stations had posted a picture on their facebook pages. Dambisa, a Zambian artist, is on the cover of EZM, half naked baring her fully pregnant midriff. A lot of people commented the most hateful things and called her all sorts of names. Some mentioned that she was trying too hard to embrace the western culture while abandoning the Zambian one. Some said she needed alangizi (traditional teachers) and wondered what type of husband/boyfriend would allow his wife/girlfriend to do such a thing.

Here’s what I think, some Zambians are just a bunch of hypocrites who have no lives of their own. They look at other people’s lives and criticise all the things that are not as they ought to be but allow the indiscretions in their own lives because they are “only human”.

 I think that culture is very important and precious but it should not be used to bully others. Observe your culture but never coerce someone else to do the same.

But most of all I think Dambisa looks absolutely beautiful. If I ever decide to have a child I want to look half as good as her. Pregnancy is beautiful and she decided to show it. You have a problem with that? Deal with it!

Fake Lawyers and Presidents

Very few interesting things are ever reported on the news, but this caught my attention. It’s Zambia’s president Michael Sata during a swearing in ceremony. It was just the usual boring news until 0:40 – 1:05 happened.

M.S : What is your (pronounced “yowa”) profession?
Zulu: A lawyer of the acting registrar of the …..
M.S: But anyway, you are a fake lawyer! Because if you are a proper lawyer, how do you read that patent when the man has not sworn in? The man is supposed to swear that everything he’s doing…. But he hasn’t sworn in and you are giving us the patent. Without God, we wouldn’t be there Mr Zulu.

I don’t know about you but the leap from patents and swearing to God was rather erratic. Poor Mr Zulu, he had no choice but to keep quiet and let the wrath fall on him. I must say the president quite reminds me of my boss.