Monster In My House

Guys! I have a problem. There’s a monster in my house. I don’t know what to do. Should I vacate the house? Should I set a trap for it? I don’t know man. Let me start from the beginning.

MONSTER

It started when I was a teenage girl just fresh into college. My everyday attire was a T-shirt, jeans and canvas (I have never been a dress girl). I was extremely comfortable with said dress code but I faced one problem; I never had clean socks. Some mornings I would find myself looking for clean socks but I never found any. So I found a solution to my problem. My father had a habit of washing a pair of socks each day right after taking a shower. He would hang the socks in the bathroom and they would accumulate as he waited for them to be completely dry. So I devised a plan; I would get a pair of his socks every other day, wear them and then drop them on the pile for the maid to wash. This plan helped me survive for the next few years until I moved out and dad never found out.

When The Hub and I were dating, I realized that he owned a maximum of 2 pairs of socks. So I promised myself that immediately we got married I would buy so many socks that he would have enough to last him 2 weeks. In the first month after our wedding I went out and bought 5 pairs. After that I bought a pair or two whenever I went grocery shopping. He had so many pairs that I would sometimes open the sock drawer just to stare and pat myself on the back for being such a good wife. When I washed and hanged the socks they would fill an entire clothesline and all the neighbors looked on with envy.

Then the invasion happened. I should have known my sock happiness would not last. It started slowly at first. A pair would go missing and I would think that maybe it was just among the other clothes. Then when I would roll them up to load them in the drawer, I would find some single ones without a partner. I figure I would eventually find them. When the number of pairs reduced significantly I started to worry. My first suspect was The Hub because he’s the only other person who came into contact with them. I interviewed his with all the intensity and tactics I have learnt from the numerous crime shows I watch. But he didn’t break. This probably meant he was innocent so I left him alone.

But the disappearances continued until I was down to seven pairs. I sat myself down and I realized that it was time to face the facts. And the truth is my house has been invaded. There is a sock monster on the loose. He specializes in driving me crazy. And to drive me up the wall, he sometimes just gets half a pair just so you know that he’s been around. The other day as I cried in defeat over the lost socks I could have sworn I heard a chuckle. And he starts with the most expensive socks and leaves the torn ones for last. I have resorted just patching up the old socks because I’m trying to avoid bankruptcy. Maybe I’m being punished for my evil deeds to my dad. Maybe karma summoned the sock monster and sent it to my house. How shall I get rid of it? I have no idea what to do next. I’ve only got five pairs left. Soon it will be too late. Somebody, Help!! Somebody….anybody….help!

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