How to be a Woman

So the lessons have began. The legendary traditional teachings that I have dreaded ever since I realised that I would have to get married someday. My wedding matron sat me down to prepare me for what’s coming in the lessons. She told me that from now onwards I should not show excitement on my face and in my body language and not smile uncontrollably. I was supposed to be silent when talked to and not argue with anyone.
Now she was pretty much telling me to be a whole different person because while I’m not a highly excitable person, I’m quite a smiler (if that word even exists). The one word that describes me is curious. So to be told that from now onwards I should never question anything goes against everything I am.

The other day my mother was showing me how to iron men’s trousers and I asked her why we always had to make that line in the front of each leg (its called a Laundal or Londo in Vernacular, I have no idea what it’s called in English). She said that’s just the way it is. I asked her what the significance and origin was because I couldn’t understand why anyone would want a line in the front of their pants. She snapped at me and told me that “THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS”, that I shouldn’t argue but do what she said! I suspect there are many things that will be like that. They won’t explain to me what the significance is but expect me to just soak it in and do it. But I’m not that kind of person, I want to know exactly why I should do something. It helps me stay committed to doing it.

It now figures how so many women lose their personalities and become so lacklustre when they get married. Some of those lessons drain the life right out of them. Now I’m not disputing the fact that women should be taught how to manage a home and how to love and respect their husbands. But teach them things that will apply to this day and age. I spent years trying to obtain the confidence to make eye contact with people because that shows character and then you come around and tell me that I’m supposed to keep my head down at all times?!? Who the hell am I supposed to be? A strong woman who loves and respects her husband but still has a head and personality of her own or a minion? So if you’re telling me to never wear my skinny jeans again or lie down on the ground when greeting my in-laws please tell me why . I don’t want to be a robot!

Don’t teach me outdated ways of living that even you don’t practice in your homes. Don’t teach me how to be afraid of what other people will think. Don’t teach me how to ditch the personality that my husband fell in love with to become a carbon copy of what you think a woman should be.Teach me how to balance a career and a marriage. Teach me how to love myself because only then will I be able to love my husband. Teach me how to be of value to my husband and to the world. Teach me confidence, teach me love, teach me respect, teach me to accentuate the silent power and beauty in me. Teach me to be a successful woman. Teach me character, teach me financial acumen. Teach me how to be a woman in the 21st century.


13 thoughts on “How to be a Woman

    • lol. I hope she’s not too. But even if she is, I’m not aiming at her specifically, Its the whole system. Yeah you’re right, I’ll just sit and listen then pick out only the things that apply.


  1. This is very true.Our pareents are not adequatly addressing the issues of the 21st centuary. Times have evolved and they ought to talk about hurdles we may face like financial issues, balancing work and home life. What’s a smile got to do anything with it? Let us smile and be happy. Afterall we only live once!!


  2. Oh my dear Chipo.. welcome to the bride world lol.. well lets say the Zambian bride world. Ine my husband doesnt even like the londo thing lol. but as said take the things that apply to you. during my “process”, my aunt keep telling me its for tradition’s sake. carrying over culture, my culture and my tradition so that i can pass it over to the next generation, even if i don’t practice it in my home, but it is my history. so some of the things i was taught i do in the house in a fun way and not in the horrible mockery way it was taught and my husband insists i don’t have to do it all, so i do it in a way that will make him laugh. i am not his slave, i am his best friend and i take what was taught to me and do it the way a best friend would do it.


  3. The only reason people still do the whole traditional teaching process is so that all their relatives and friends will approve of their daughter its really backward. I have vowed never to send my daughter or son for this outdated backward stuff its fine to have people go for counselling so that they are taught how to live together because marriage is difficult but to force all these prehistoric teachings on someone especially on our women is just plain wrong.
    PS: My wife never does londos I wear flat front trousers and so do most guys living in the 21st century lol. You only do londos on trousers with pleats in them.


  4. Wow Autum! All marriage counsellors and matrons must read this. Oh and my mum says the ‘Londo’ was a fashion trend during the men’s hipster years. I doubt even she was there then.Lol. I bet you sifted the stuff that doesn’t apply to you. Congratulations on the marriage!!


  5. Girl you are so right. I have always asked questions about traditions and what I don’t understand I just don’t do. I think the syllabus needs to be changed. Times have evolved. I know my turn is coming and even then I will ask why. It might be worse because I wont even be a twenty something bride! Thanks for writing this. At least I know am not alone.


  6. Brethren the Bible talks about love and Submitting in a marriage and it also talks about treating each other with respect. In Genesis 2:22-25 when a man and woman joins in matrimonial they become one. But why is it that the wife is meant to be treating a husband like a master and yet they are one? It contradicts God’s plan on marriage. Sorry my sisters for all that they’ve made you go through for our sake. I also totally disagree with the defamatory comparison of a human being to a chicken thats blasphemy because God has fearfully and wonderfully made a human being in His image. Be careful with such traditions who are actually directly opposing the word of God. God has respects His word more than His name and you’re busy opposing what He has said in the name of traditions & culture. No matter most marriages have problems because of the traditions too many demons are introducedin them from inception when in courtship we love each so much after the wedding its something else. Change your syllabus and save our marriages for once. Holy Spirit open the eyes of all alangizi


  7. Pingback: Happy Anniversary to Me! | autumneyez

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