So the lessons have began. The legendary traditional teachings that I have dreaded ever since I realised that I would have to get married someday. My wedding matron sat me down to prepare me for what’s coming in the lessons. She told me that from now onwards I should not show excitement on my face and in my body language and not smile uncontrollably. I was supposed to be silent when talked to and not argue with anyone.
Now she was pretty much telling me to be a whole different person because while I’m not a highly excitable person, I’m quite a smiler (if that word even exists). The one word that describes me is curious. So to be told that from now onwards I should never question anything goes against everything I am.
The other day my mother was showing me how to iron men’s trousers and I asked her why we always had to make that line in the front of each leg (its called a Laundal or Londo in Vernacular, I have no idea what it’s called in English). She said that’s just the way it is. I asked her what the significance and origin was because I couldn’t understand why anyone would want a line in the front of their pants. She snapped at me and told me that “THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS”, that I shouldn’t argue but do what she said! I suspect there are many things that will be like that. They won’t explain to me what the significance is but expect me to just soak it in and do it. But I’m not that kind of person, I want to know exactly why I should do something. It helps me stay committed to doing it.
It now figures how so many women lose their personalities and become so lacklustre when they get married. Some of those lessons drain the life right out of them. Now I’m not disputing the fact that women should be taught how to manage a home and how to love and respect their husbands. But teach them things that will apply to this day and age. I spent years trying to obtain the confidence to make eye contact with people because that shows character and then you come around and tell me that I’m supposed to keep my head down at all times?!? Who the hell am I supposed to be? A strong woman who loves and respects her husband but still has a head and personality of her own or a minion? So if you’re telling me to never wear my skinny jeans again or lie down on the ground when greeting my in-laws please tell me why . I don’t want to be a robot!
Don’t teach me outdated ways of living that even you don’t practice in your homes. Don’t teach me how to be afraid of what other people will think. Don’t teach me how to ditch the personality that my husband fell in love with to become a carbon copy of what you think a woman should be.Teach me how to balance a career and a marriage. Teach me how to love myself because only then will I be able to love my husband. Teach me how to be of value to my husband and to the world. Teach me confidence, teach me love, teach me respect, teach me to accentuate the silent power and beauty in me. Teach me to be a successful woman. Teach me character, teach me financial acumen. Teach me how to be a woman in the 21st century.